On July 1, 2020 I woke up with an extreme wine hangover. I had told myself I was going to kick off my experimental break from alcohol that very day and I was NOT feeling it. I still remember a little voice inside heckling me all day…
“Start tomorrow! What is one more day?! In fact, why don’t you just wait to stop drinking until after the fourth of July? Who decides to stop drinking in the middle of the summer anyways?! I mean, your drinking isn’t thatttt bad.”
But there was another little voice…one that was deep inside, BURIED beneath societal norms and giving WAY too much of a shit about what other people thought about me, and for quite awhile leading up to this break it had been asking me hard questions like:
“How do you expect to live the life you truly dream of drinking like this?”
AND
“What do you think you could truly be capable of without “normal” drinking holding you back?”
I had spent 5 long years prior getting my MS in nutrition and functional medicine, yet there I was binge drinking on a regular basis - nowhere near the picture of health I was hoping to be. Nowhere near having the confidence to start my own health coaching practice. I was plagued with imposter syndrome daily as my desires to become a health and wellness practitioner directly conflicted with the life I was living. However, this extreme discomfort between my values and my daily choices were ultimately the push I needed to explore my curiosity around alcohol elimination.
Looking back I never would have considered myself an alcoholic, but in hindsight I was definitely heading in that direction. I drank to celebrate, cope and escape. I drank to numb out the sorrow of a life unfulfilled. I drank because I knew I wasn’t even close to living up to my full potential and it ate me alive. I feel so much compassion for that girl nowadays, it actually brings a tear to my eye to remember how tortured she was…how little she trusted and valued herself, how quickly she gave away her power to other people. I vividly remember looking at myself in the mirror, bloated and red from alcohol thinking, “What happened to you? This isn’t you girl.”
I realized over the years, through traumatic experiences and regular drinking, I had slowly lost my sparkle and vibrancy. I felt like a shell of the person I was meant to be and I was determined to find a way back to the ALIVE girl I once was.
The thing about drinking in our society is this - we normalize patterns of drinking that may not be “alcoholism” per se, but they damn sure aren’t doing us any favors when it comes to mental health, self-confidence, honing our intuition, emotional healing, optimizing our physical health and developing our spiritual connection.
We label people “alcoholics” (which is a really subjective term by the way), act as if it’s a them problem and go about with our grey area and problematic drinking….not realizing we are on the very same path as those alcoholics we love to distinguish ourselves as separate from.
As I began to slowly accumulate more and more time living life without alcohol, I slowly unpacked all the lies I had told myself about the stuff. I told myself it allowed me to be more social and confident all while it robbed me of my true confidence in the days to follow. I told myself that it helped me unwind and decompress, unknowingly pouring gasoline on the fire of my anxiety due to alcohol’s effects on things like neurotransmitters, stress resilience and gut health. I told myself that alcohol allowed me to connect with others, not realizing many of those relationships would be gone without the presence of alcohol. I told myself it was harmless and I would worry about cutting back sometime in the vague, non-committal future, all while the light of my spirit slowly faded.
I watched myself dim my own light for YEARS before I decided to put two and two together and acknowledge the harsh truth that alcohol was actually doing NONE of the things I told myself it was.
As more and more time passed without alcohol from that initial day in July, my light slowly returned. I began to confidently trust the voice of my inner wisdom, unapologetically build boundaries in my life and shocker (!), I actually started keeping promises I made to myself regarding what I would and wouldn’t tolerate.
My self-worth returned.
My health improved.
My anxiety lessened.
I started building real sisterhood and seeing what it meant to feel truly supported by community built on shared values and vision instead of alcohol.
I followed through on career aspirations, starting my business and furthering my education.
I started my podcast.
I hosted my first sober curious workshop.
I became a momma, something I now get to be fully present for.
I got certified in meditation and breath work.
I began to manifest my desires at warp speed.
I felt spiritually ALIVE & AWAKE.
SO much has happened because I chose to take that little leap of faith and see what life would be like without my precious alcohol *gasp*.
What I have realized is that MOST people (including myself) are SO limited by their own beliefs and by measuring themselves against both other people and what is normalized. But guess what?? What is normalized in our culture…..ain’t nothing to write home about, IMO. Hustle culture, toxic drinking, ultra processed food, competition over sisterhood, emotional repression, disconnection from our family units, a lack of connection to deeper meaning and purpose, conformity, lives lived FAST and convenience prioritized over intentional, meaningful choices - are all normalized in our culture and it’s simply not for me. Sometimes our fear of stepping away from the crowd is actually the biggest limiting growth factor in our lives.
Today I couldn’t be more grateful that I chose that leap of faith, to step away from the mainstream and get clear on ME and my heart’s desires. I have always been curious, someone who doesn’t allow others to dictate what is possible for me and someone who stays in alignment with my own integrity even when it’s not the popular choice - that person didn’t exist when I was drinking.
My life these days is more peaceful than ever. I garden, go on regular nature walks, spend meaningful and present time with loved ones I neglected while drinking, embrace healthy habits that I could never get consistent with prior to ditching booze, pour passion into my business and relish in my own company because I no longer need to run from myself. I actually experience true JOY looking in the eyes of my baby, feeling the cool Winter air on my nature walks, a smile exchanged with a stranger - those subtle day to day moments of connection and joy that we miss out on through the cheap dopamine hits of alcohol that leave us depleted, drained and flat. Most importantly, I actually love the person I am again. My drinking self could have only dreamt of this life.
It makes me so happy to see more and more people shifting away from the mindless adherence to social norms around alcohol and asking themselves, “how is this truly serving me?” and “why do I even drink?”
I found throughout my own process that the sober curious journey is not for the faint of heart. I spent many of my early alcohol-free days at home crying, feeling my feelings for what felt like the first time, realizing that my drinking buddies didn’t care about my little sober curious journey nor did they want to hear about how that was translating into entrepreneurship. I felt SO lonely.
But through this loneliness, I created space. Space to recognize the role I had played in the life I created and the aspects of it that I wasn’t happy with. Space to honor feelings I had never truly processed. Space to acknowledge my hopes and dreams for the future. Space to take radical responsibility for the life I wanted to create. Space to heal.
….and slowly over time, with a lot of hard work and soul searching - I made alcohol irrelevant in my life.
And it was through this space that I realized there are many women out there just like me…dreaming of more but limiting themselves by normalized (somewhat ignorant, I said it) perspectives on drinking alcohol. There are women out there secretly questioning what good alcohol is bringing to their lives but afraid of the same loneliness I described above. There are other women stuck somewhere on the spectrum of gray-area drinking, convincing themselves they aren’t an alcoholic while problematic drinking slowly shrinks the potential for MAGIC and PASSION in their lives.
And through this space my coaching program and niche was born. Interesting how the very loneliness we spend so much time running from is often the same loneliness that ultimately grants us our liberation, isn’t it?
My coaching program combines my own experience with alcohol elimination and my extensive educational background in health psychology, functional medicine, root cause healing and integrative wellness.
Together we holistically explore your relationship to alcohol. However, I see a dysfunctional reliance on alcohol as a symptom of larger problems we need to get curious about. Dysfunctional drinking is often indicative of other areas of our life that need attention. That is why my program is a holistic melding of health and life coaching; one where we truly explore where you are, where you hope to go and together build a bridge in getting there. This includes nutrition, joyful movement, stress management and healthy coping, emotional processing/regulation, finding deeper meaning/purpose, shadow work, building sisterhood and supportive community - we cover it all! I simultaneously support you in holistically constructing a life that you don’t need booze to escape AND navigating the struggles, challenges and pain that can often arise on a sober curious path.
I pride myself on meeting my clients where they are at, whether it be alcohol reduction or elimination, and providing them all the support I wish I had on my own sober curious path.
Working with me you have access to self-paced educational content regarding a holistic approach to sober curiosity in mind, body and spirit, 1:1 strategy calls, ongoing Voxer support, access to my Fullscript supplement dispensary and 50% off any guided breathwork and meditation sessions. What started as a curiosity for many of my clients evolved into a life-changing experience that not a single person has regretted. Previous clients have gone on to start wellness studios, create healthy families, break generational trauma and patterns of family drinking, create new community in their lives and MORE. I encourage you to explore my website for all the testimonials from previous clients!
If I can do it, you definitely can too and I greatly look forward to the opportunity to support you along the way. And remember, you don’t need to be an alcoholic for alcohol to be robbing you of your most vibrant life!
The best is yet to come.
With gratitude,
Katie MS, NBC-HW